The Lucas Electric motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

It really means...

10. Annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. The tongue depressor tastes faintly of a fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. The only advisory listed under 'Preventive Care Tips' is "An apple a day..."

5. Your designated physician is wearing the double-knit pants you donated to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your old insurance, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m's" on them.

And the #1 sign you've joined a cheap HMO...

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

    GREAT ANAGRAMS 

You know what an "anagram" is: the letters of one word or phrase character-for-character rescheduled into another word or phrase. Here are some certified gems for your trivia pleasure...

original                   anagram
******                     ******
dormitory..................dirty room
evangelist.................evil's agent
desperation................a rope ends it
the Morse Code.............here come dots
slot machines..............cash lost in 'em
animosity..................is no amity
mother-in-law..............woman Hitler
snooze alarms..............alas! no more Zs
Alec Guinness..............genuine class
Semolina...................is no meal
the public art galleries...large picture halls, I bet
a decimal point............I'm a dot in place
the earthquakes............that queer shake
eleven plus two............twelve plus one
contradiction..............accord not in it

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This one is breathtaking, from Shakespeare's "Hamlet":

"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

and its anagram:

In one of The Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet,
queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

*********

and the grand finale:

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."--Neil Armstrong

anagram:

A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!

*********